I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
