She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
