i love accidental penises.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
