my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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