Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Tell her she can't have a vagina
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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