Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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