I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
