I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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