I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
