finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
