So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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