My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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