I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
