He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
