If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
