we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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