Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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