Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
