he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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