I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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