I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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