So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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