yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
