Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
