How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm at about main and main street
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
