You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
