I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
