so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
