He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
