No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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