Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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