Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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