So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
