Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
