Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
