I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Your cock deserves a montage
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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