I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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