dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize