I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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