Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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