Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
