This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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