omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
