He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just pee around me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
