spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
