Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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