Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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