come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
