i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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