everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
