Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
