So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
