we have pet lesbian snakes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
