That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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