As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
