After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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