My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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