You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
