nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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