I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
