Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
