everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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