I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
