apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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