Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
