I wish I could teleport
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
