I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
