ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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