Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
